Welcome to STANDOUT From The Crowd.
I'm Darine, and if you are anything like me, you have probably been through a few unexpected twists on your journey.
My plan was to be a diplomat, but life had other plans leading me to become an impact entrepreneur and champion for women's leadership. Sometimes life has a funny way of throwing us curveballs.
Right?
I have always wondered why fit in when you were born to stand out?
In this podcast, I sit down with remarkable women leaders who have embraced their unique path, defied expectations, and created lasting impact. We dive into their stories, explore their mindset, their resilience, and the strategies that help them succeed even when left through stones in their path. Whether it's insights on personal growth, strategies to amplify your visibility, or tips to boost your well-being and overall productivity, you will find the inspiration you need to unlock your full potential.
Join me every other Wednesday for conversations that will empower you to stand out in your career, in your life, and in everything that you do. Because, listen, here, we don't just follow the crowd. We stand out. How can women navigate the pressures of beauty standards in leadership without compromising their authenticity or professional credibility? It's no secret women spend a lot of time and money on beauty.
A Today and IOL survey found that women spend about 55 minutes a day on beauty prep.
That's almost 2 full weeks a year.
Financially, another survey from beauty e-tailer skinstore estimated that women spend $300,000 in their lifetime just on their faces.
Still, they found the average women's daily face routine involves the application of a whopping 16 products, an average of 16 products, which is way too many for me. I use a 2 step routine, a light makeup, and I'm good to go.
However, societal expectations around our appearance as women are deeply ingrained in us, often reinforcing norms that can impact our personal and our professional lives.
So let's take a look at the most common societal expectation around the appearance of women. Number 1 is the famous youthfulness.
Society places a high premium on youthful beauty. Nothing new here.
We are expected to look young, with smooth skin, minimalist wrinkles, and a fresh appearance 247. In professional settings, youthfulness implies sometimes to be innovative and to put a lot of energy into it. But there is a reality here. Aging women face discrimination as though their appearance seems secondary to their experience, wisdom, and competences. Actually, a couple of months ago, I came across an article talking about women and AGeism and the way it impacts us in the workplace.
And here's where it's really interesting, and you wanna listen to that part.
Between 18-25 years old, this is where we are considered as the most youthful, beautiful, bubbly.
But when it comes to our professional career, we don't have the experience.
Right? So it's hard for us to get started in our professional life.
From 25 to 35, approximately, So for a decade, this is where we become top performers, where we become, you know, where we can grow our career, achieve our professional goals. But here, there is a catch.
Between 25-35 is when a woman is supposed to have kids.
So from a workplace perspective based on current societal standards, you know, employers will think about it twice before giving us that leadership role, giving us that promotion because of the risk that we go on a mat leave. And then it becomes even more interesting.
After 35 and beyond, we are considered too old.
So, finally, based on societal expectation, from 18 to 35, we are either too young, too pregnant, or too old.
And after 35, then what happens? I think when listening to me speaking, and it sounds so cliche, but it is so true. And studies are there.
Research is there.
This is incredible.
So youthfulness, this is the most common, you know, criteria when it comes to beauty standards for women.
Your weight and body shape is another one.
And here, I can see a cultural difference between France, where I am from, and North America, Canada.
But, overall, there is often a pressure on women to maintain a slim physique, a thinner body, because it's typically associated with healthy habits, mindset, discipline, and even attractiveness.
However, for a woman being either too slim or too curvy can lead to judgment on their personal and professional lives, and even their own personality and discipline, which ultimately impact how they are perceived or how they may be perceived in a leadership role.
You know, there is a sentence that I often say is perception is reality.
So based on people, cultural standards, and here in Canada and especially in Toronto, we come from all over the world.
So we all came to Canada with our onset of beauty standards, but they are, like, common, societal stem beauty standards across the globe.
And so when someone may perceive you as too skinny or too curvy, too much put together, or not enough put together. Based on their own biases, they will think of you as a potential leader or not, as a competent leader or not.
And, again, here, perception is reality in people's minds.
So how can we address that as women, ambitious women, go getters, competent leaders?
And we are going to talk about it in a minute.
Another common beauty standard is the dress code and grooming, and we are often held to high standards when it comes to dress code and grooming.
Do you remember that image of Beyonce who was performing a song with Ed Sheridan, and Ed Sheridan was wearing, you know, as usual, a pair of jeans with a black t shirt, I believe, or maybe a white t shirt, And Beyonce was all put together in magnificent evening dress, and I remember, ma'am, going around, you know, talking about, oh, yes.
Society expectation, blissful expectation towards men versus women.
And even at that level, this is a reality. So here's the thing.
You have to look polished, but not too flashy.
And here, it depends on your industry. So you have to pay attention to this kind of detail, to your workplace culture, you know, your business culture.
Does it have an impact?
Have you noticed that the way women and men dress may have an impact on the way they are perceived, on the way they are talked to?
And it's important for you to understand those codes in order to find the right balance for yourself where you know you will match the cultural dress code in your workplace, but also that you will remain authentic to your own style and to yourself.
Makeup is another one.
Women are expected most of the time to wear makeup, a little bit of makeup, not too much makeup because you could come across as superficial or attention seeking.
From your hair lens to your nails, the overall presentation plays a significant role on how women's professionalism and commitment are judged. Is it fair?
No. Is the word fair?
No. Can we do something about it? Absolutely yes.
And the last one, which is facial expression and demeanor.
You know? Women are often expected to be friendly and approachable when being serious or assertive can be perceived as negative. Who do you think she is?
Right? We can be perceived as aggressive as women leaders for portraying the same characteristics as a man leader.
And when it comes to leadership, I don't like to talk about men versus women most of the time because for me, it's about competence. It's about the value you bring to the table.
It's about, you know, your ability to get people to work together towards a common goal.
But still, there are realities, barriers, biases that do affect us women more than it does for men, and we need to talk about it.
We need to address those biases and, you know, societal expectations and see what can be done about it.
So on one hand, conforming to beauty standards brings advantages, but there is a catch. Women who conform to conventional beauty standards are often rewarded with positive social feedback, increased professional opportunities, and greater perceived competence.
A study published in the Harvard Business Review showed that attractive women are often judged as more competent, but there is a downside.
Women seen as too attractive can be viewed as manipulative or too concerned with appearance, undermining their leadership credibility and trustworthiness.
On the other hand, women who reject conventional beauty standards, such as not wearing makeup at all or, you know, dress more comfy, may face professional penalties.
They may be seen as lacking discipline or not putting enough effort into their roles leading others to question their professionalism or ambition.
This can result in fewer career opportunities or less positive social feedback.
And this paradox is what is called the double bind.
And this beauty double bind can be particularly problematic in leadership roles.
This beauty double bind creates a catch 22 where women are penalized whether they adhere to beauty standards or not.
And once again, this bias doesn't affect men the same way, which highlights the unique nature of this challenge for women.
So what's the solution?
And, actually, I have a couple of practical tips that I'm happy to share with you.
I strongly believe that standards were created to be broken.
So I don't know if it's my French side speaking here, but listen, I believe that true personal empowerment lies in breaking free from those limiting standards.
And this is how I believe women can do it.
Number 1, let's break free from appearance based values. Let me explain.
The word may reward beauty, but genuine influence comes from something far deeper: authenticity and self assuredness.
Shifting your focus from appearance to your unique talents and strengths is a powerful first step. Instead of allowing societal expectations to dictate your worth, embrace what makes you genuinely valuable: your resilience, your skills, and character.
And so by acknowledging and valuing your inner strengths, you build up self confidence, and God knows that we need self confidence in this world.
Number 2, let's redefine true beauty.
What does beauty mean based on your own standards?
Not social media standards, not social societal standards, your own standards.
You know, a question I often ask myself is, is this woman considered beautiful.
This woman is considered as less beautiful. Based on what?
Based on what?
Where are those beauty standards?
Right? And having traveled and worked in 10 different countries and mainly in Africa, I can tell you that beauty standards from one country to another, from one continent to another are not the same. So why are we, women, putting so much pressure on ourselves based on standards that we don't even know where they come from?
And those standards can change whether you live in a country or in another.
Wherever you live, your flaws are part of who you are.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Embrace it all because this is part of what makes us unique.
We are unique, and we should embrace this uniqueness and proudly showcase it.
Why would you dim your light based on, again, standards that we don't know where they are coming from?
Can someone tell me where those beauty standards come from?
And remember, before the Kardashian came, you know, in the face of the world, beauty standards were completely different.
So let's say there is another crazy family coming up, like, in the next few years with different beauty standards.
What will you think about yourself?
And something else.
This one might be controversial, but I need to address this with you because sometimes I'm wondering if I am crazy or and I wanna know, like, if you have noticed it as well.
When I look at a young woman, the younger generation, because I'm in my late thirties, and I still consider myself young.
Listen. Don't you find that a lot of them look alike?
They look the same.
Same hairstyle, same makeup, same nose, same lips, same cheeks, same BBL. They look alike.
Where is your uniqueness?
Where is your authenticity?
That's often a question that I ask myself when I walk downtown Toronto, and I see all these beautiful women, but they all look alike based on what standards.
But 5 years from now, 10 years from now, those beauty standards will ultimately change.
So what are you gonna do?
You are going to change your entire appearance once again, and every 10 years, you are going to change your physical appearance to match those beauty standards and fit in? No.
No.
I might sound like an old lady when I say that, but I strongly believe it.
And once you know yourself and that you have identified and that you are fully aware of your self worth, girl, this is power.
Because when you are fully aware of your self worth, when you embrace who you are beyond your physical appearance, this is power, because you can leverage your self worth when negotiating a raise, when negotiating a better job, when negotiating contract, when increasing your prices.
You know what you are worth, So there is no limit to what you can achieve because you know your worth and you are worth it.
Another tip is to be aware of those biases.
I told you earlier in the conversation to observe, and this is something that I do myself a lot.
You know?
I work in a multicultural environment. I work with multiple countries at the same time.
I observe people a lot. I observe how they interact together, how they dress up in a setting, and how they dress up in a different setting.
So I adjust myself. I don't copy people.
If you have been following me on Instagram, you know that I have my own style, classy, minimalist, Frenchy.
Sometimes I like to showcase my African roots way more.
And especially when I go and work in African countries, I'm so proud to showcase my African roots as well.
You know, it's about adjusting yourself to your surroundings, not to fit in.
But for me, it's a mark of respect also, you know, to understand the workplace culture, to understand the country culture, and to dress appropriately just as a mark of respect to the people you are working with.
For me, this is how I see it, and I love playing with my style and being aware of those standards, but also of those biases, you know, about your makeup, about the way you speak up, about the way you dress, about your shoes.
I know. It requires a lot of time and energy that we don't have.
So try to do it the smart way.
And the more you practice it, the more you will be able to catch it quickly.
The more you know about your surroundings, the more you know about your professional setting, the more you can decide to adjust yourself in a way that is still authentic to who you are, which brings me to the next point, which is defining your own beauty standards.
Here comes back the idea of, you know, self worth, self awareness, authenticity.
Once you know who you are and once you define your own standards, what else can stop you? For me, looking beautiful, my own beautiful standards are being put together. You know?
My hair, my hair is usually unmanageable.
So the days where I can manage my hair, I feel even more beautiful. You know? A little bit of blush here, you know, to bring a little bit of color. I put a lot of emphasis on skin care.
So I feel confident in my own skin, and I don't feel the pressure to put a lot of makeup on my face.
Right? For me, having healthy skin is part of feeling beautiful.
And then, you know, they are just like add ons with makeup to bring a little bit more light, maybe open a little bit more my eyes or bring some color to my lips, but that's it. Because that's what makes me feel beautiful based on my own standards. You could put me, like, a lot of makeup on the face.
I wouldn't feel comfortable.
That's why even for photo shoots, I don't hire a professional makeup artist because I don't feel comfortable even if it's too minimalist for me.
I like looking natural, and that's it.
And for you, that might be different, and that's okay.
As long as you're good with it, and that is good for you.
That's all that matters here.
And last but not least, resilience and self acceptance.
I think this one wraps up everything I have discussed so far.
Building your self confidence, building your self acceptance, and resilience should be based on your skills, your competence, the years of experience that you have, the results that you have achieved, the milestones that you have achieved, and not based on your physical appearance.
If there is one thing that I would like you to remember out of this conversation is that confidence and beauty are rooted in who you are rather than how you look.
Once you have it, this is a foundation that no one can check.
And that, my friend, it is power.
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Bye.
