Welcome to STANDOUT From The Crowd.
I'm Darine. And if you are anything like me, you have probably been through a few unexpected twists on your journey.
My plan was to be a diplomat, but life had other plans leading me to become an impact entrepreneur and champion for women's leadership. Sometimes life has a funny way of throwing us curveballs.
Right? I have always wondered why fit in when you were born to Standout?
In this podcast, I sit down with remarkable women leaders who have embraced their unique path, defied expectations, and created lasting impact. We dive into their stories, explore their mindset, their resilience, and the strategies that help them succeed even when left through stones in their path. Whether it's insights on personal growth, strategies to amplify your visibility, or tips to boost your well-being and overall productivity, you will find the inspiration you need to unlock your full potential.
Join me every other Wednesday for conversations that will empower you to stand out in your career, in your life, and in everything that you do. Because, listen, here, we don't just follow the crowd. We Standout.
Today, we are diving into a topic that hits so close to home for so many of us, which is the perfection trap or the idea that we have to have everything perfectly aligned before we step into our power, before we start taking action.
And let me tell you, people, ladies and gentlemen, but ladies mostly, in a world that glorifies perfection, especially with social media, when it comes to society's expectation, how we should behave as a woman, how we should dress up as a leader, the way we should put makeup on, the way we should lead, the way we should do this and that.
It's time to challenge the idea that flawlessness is the key to happiness and success.
Embracing our perfect imperfections is not only liberating us, but it is also a gateway to personal and professional fulfillment.
Now you may think, okay, Darine, That's all beautiful talk.
Easier said than done, but you should know me by now.
Of course, throughout today's conversation, I will share key notions and, most importantly, stand up tips, practical strategies to help you break free from the perfection trap.
So you can embrace your uniqueness, the good, the bad, and the ugly, everything in between, and be proud of who you are and express who you are authentically for personal and professional growth.
Let me start by sharing a deep personal story that literally changed the course of my life and taught me powerful lessons when it comes to embracing who I am, the perfect and perfect Darine and person that I am.
And that taught me also powerful leadership lessons.
In 2017, I was living in Jamaica when I got recognized as one of the 100 Global Leaders and Entrepreneurs by the White House.
Subsequently, I was invited to the White House for a full week of leadership training, mentorship, and so on.
That experience was surreal, like, really.
And I should record the podcast on this experience only because, trust me, the way I ended up here, like, I just went beyond and challenged all things that you can you could think about, you know, what it means to be a leader, what it means to be ready, what it means to be whatever. But that's not the point for today's conversation.
So I went there. I did the full week training mentorship, and then went back to Jamaica to my regular life.
And, you know, that's the thing. Oftentimes, when we attend a leadership summit, being conferences between 1 day, 3 days conference, or a full day training, oftentimes, we learn valuable lessons, and then we go home. We go back to our regular life.
You know, we are inspired, motivated. We might take action for a little while, and then we just move on, and we are back to our regular stuff, regular habits, and so on.
But here's what happened. I met a person who is, since then, my mentor.
And one day during a conversation, he asked me a question that would forever change my perspective.
He asked me, Darine, what is your big dream?
Honestly, I was taken aback, and I didn't have an answer.
Like, what was my big dream?
Like, I did not even understand the sense of the question.
I was like, what do you mean?
And he responded, Darine, you are a leader. When you speak, people listen.
Through your work, you are impacting people.
So what do you want to achieve in life?
And me being me, again, I didn't have an answer. I was like, I'm just doing my job. You know?
Like, people listen to me and act accordingly because this is my job to tell them what to do and, you know, to guide them into what direction to take, what action to take in order to achieve our objectives.
That's it. This is my job. You know?
There is nothing special about it or nothing special about me.
I just do my job, and I do it well.
And that's when he looked at me and said, Darine, not everyone can impact people the way you do it, or not everyone can get people's attention the way you do it.
That's your superpower.
That's your inner power.
That's your leadership power, and that's what you need to leverage to make a greater impact in your life.
So, basically, he saw in me things that I wasn't even aware of.
Because for me, I was young. I was 30 years old.
Okay.
I had a few years of experience.
But for me, a leader is an old dude with so many years of experience behind him, you know, with charisma.
I had, like, a very specific image of what a leader is or what a leader should be, and, clearly, I didn't fit the mold.
Not even being aware that by the way I was doing things, I was being a leader myself.
And being a leader here is not just a title. Right?
You can be a leader at work.
You can be a leader in your personal, professional life, in your family, in your neighborhood, no matter the environment.
It's about your inner power to inspire your people to take action, to inspire people to listen to you. And oftentimes, we feel that we are not ready because we are not perfectly aligned with our vision.
So today, we are going to look at the difference between perfectionism and having high standards, which are 2 completely different things.
Then why is perfectionism a trap that keeps us stuck in life?
How embracing your imperfection can unlock opportunities and, of course, stand out tips, practical strategies for you to move forward boldly even when you think that this isn't just right or that you are not ready.
Perfectionism is often mistaken for having high standards, but they are fundamentally different. While high standards can exist without insecurity, perfectionism is rooted in a need for external validation to feel good enough, loved, or valued. You see the difference?
Perfectionism goes beyond striving for excellence.
It involves an intense focus on hiding your flaws and imperfections from others.
It is, in reality, a relational trait linked to self esteem issues emerging from social interaction and the inner dialogues that you have with yourself. So perfectionism is a mindset.
It's a way of hiding your flaws because you feel insecure about it, and you may fear judgment.
You may, you know, need approval from others in order to feel validated.
When actually having high standards, it's more practical.
And, again, looking to get things done without being perfect doesn't mean lowering your standards.
It means understanding what needs to be done to progress towards those standards.
And, oftentimes, perfectionism keeps you in a space where nothing grows because it is never enough.
It is never perfect enough.
So finally, it is really hard for you to achieve those high standards because you stay stuck in this comfort zone, maybe, where nothing grows.
And you fear judgement to the point that it prevents you, it stops you from taking action. Another point that is very interesting is that perfectionism shifts your focus from growth to fear.
It emphasizes outcomes rather than the learning process, leading to a fear driven mindset.
A study in personality and social psychology review shows that this focus limits individuals' willingness to take risks and embrace learning opportunities, viewing failures as catastrophic instead of as a chance to grow.
And let's be honest.
As a former perfectionist myself, it drains a lot of energy out of yourself.
And it is time consuming. When you go and look at the little detail, and the detail of the detail of the details, then by the time you are eventually because it's not even guaranteed that you will be satisfied by the outcome.
But by the time, you know, you look at those micro details, then other people have moved forward, and they are ahead of you, while you're still focusing on the details.
And this is also where it prevents you from growing.
It's because other people are taking action faster.
They don't look for perfection.
They look for progress.
And so they are seizing opportunities ahead of you, and they are growing more than you could grow because they are not focusing on the details.
And the details don't help us move forward.
Progress does.
So, you know, growing is hard, and staying stuck is hard too.
So at some point, you have to choose your heart, and you have to choose wisely.
And I'm not saying it's easy.
It is not.
Oh, trust me.
Yes, it is time consuming.
It takes a lot of energy to be perfectionist, but it also does take a lot of energy to move beyond that limiting belief.
So now let's take a look at how embracing imperfections can lead to unlock opportunities for yourself, your personal and your professional life.
When imperfection is welcomed, failure transforms from a setback into a stepping stone.
You see the mindset shift here?
This aligns with psychologist Carol Dettke's concept of the Growth mindset versus the Fixed mindset, which emphasizes learning and evolving over time rather than clinging to rigid standards.
Another advantage of embracing imperfection is that it helps you build resilience through failure. As I said, often perfectionists fear failure.
This is the end of the world for them.
It used to be the end of the world for me, but embracing imperfection reframes it as an opportunity to grow stronger.
Each misstep becomes a lesson, helping you develop grit and resilience that pave the way for future success.
You know, I'm an immigrant woman.
I'm an immigrant to Canada.
Something that I discuss a lot with many other immigrants is how strong and resilient we are. We are not strong and resilient because we are built differently than people who are born and raised in Canada.
We are resilient because of all the obstacles we overcome at some point in our life.
We built resilience through all the failures we went through as immigrants in order to start a career, build a successful career, find a first job, build your network, and adjust yourself to Canadian culture.
This is a learning process that is tough.
This is a learning process that is hard.
And as of today, I can tell you, this girl here is a freaking strong one.
Again, not because I was built differently, but because I went through so much hardship in order to be successful in this country that I have reached a point where even when I fell, god knows that I fell often.
And oftentimes, I share it with you on Instagram. Right?
If you don't follow me on Instagram, what are you waiting for, people?
It's not easy, but does it stop me?
Does going through a failure stop me from moving forward?
Not anymore.
Am I looking to get things perfect rather than progress and learning?
Not anymore.
Nothing can stop me because nothing can hold me back from trying, failing, and learning.
This is the only difference between the version of me who was perfectionist and frustrated with high standards and the version of me today who is no longer a perfectionist, but who has the same high standards and who strives in life because of this mindset shift.
Another aspect also that is important to look at when it comes to moving beyond perfectionism is really that it reduces stress and boosts mental well-being.
And you know, we know that we need it.
Letting go of perfection alleviates the constant pressure to perform flawlessly.
This reduces stress, enhances mental health, and creates room for joy and spontaneity.
A study in self and identity found that self compassion and acceptance of imperfection leads to greater emotional resilience and life satisfaction.
And here is the thing.
When you look at the progress, the trial and errors, the failures, the lessons learned with an angle that is self compassion rather than comparison, it makes a huge difference in your life. And trust me, the weight that you carry on your shoulder is gone because you are compassionate towards yourself instead of dragging you down by comparing yourself to others. So now that I have shared how, you know, embracing imperfection can lead to a positive outcome for yourself. Let's dive into the standout tips to help you embrace imperfection.
What can you do from a practical perspective on a daily basis?
First of all, reframe failure as learning.
Again, easier said than done. But take that energy, that same energy that you spend trying to be perfect and use it to make that mindset shift where you reframe failure as a lesson.
It takes a lot of energy at the beginning, but when you will feel the outcome of this mindset shift, trust me, there is no way that you will want to go back to your former self.
The lessons that you learned through trial and errors are data.
Just take it as data. Okay?
Data that are giving you information about what should be done differently, what should be improved, or what you should stop doing.
That's it.
That's all.
It is that simple.
There is no need to overcomplicate it.
Number two, set realistic goals.
And here, the idea is to focus on the progress.
So the stepstones that you achieve towards your high standards, towards your higher objective. If you stay only focused on the higher objective, your high standards, and that you expect to take one step or take one action and reach that higher objective, you will spend your life being frustrated.
Because the higher your standards, the more steps it takes to get there.
This is a hard lesson that I have learned also.
And I have learned that lesson through multiple burnout and breakdown.
I was constantly frustrated, and I would keep pushing myself again and again and again to the point of exhaustion because the action that would take wouldn't lead me to that high standard, to that highest outcome.
And after I went through burnout a couple of times, I realized that it's not about that mega step that you take towards those high standards.
It's all about the mini step that you take every day, the actions that you take every day, and the lessons that you learn every day that will take you slowly but surely to those higher outcomes and standards.
It doesn't happen overnight.
And the time that you spend focusing on the tiny little details to make it perfect, this time is wasted because you are not learning, you are not progressing.
There is a compound effect here.
The compound effect is the result of all the actions and lessons that you learn every day over a period of time that will help you reach the top. It's not a big step that you will take tomorrow.
The big perfect step, the big perfect action that you are trying to craft and to take tomorrow in order to reach that high standard because it's not going to happen.
I'm giving you tough love here, but I want you to be successful, to feel good, to do good, and to thrive in your personal and your professional life.
As part of this mindset of progress over perfection, another strategy is to celebrate the small wins.
I used to hide.
It's not even that I didn't talk about it.
I used to hide all my wins.
I didn't want people to be aware of my wins because they were not the big win I was aiming for.
They were just, like, small wins that I even didn't care about because I was targeting that big win. But I wasted so much time, energy, and years working, keeping my head down, neglecting, ignoring, hiding all the wins because I had my eyes on the big goal.
And I'm not telling you to not keep your eyes on the big goal, but I'm telling you to celebrate everything, every little tiny wins along the way because, ultimately, it makes the process more enjoyable and less stressful.
You wanna celebrate yourself.
You wanna celebrate yourself.
We don't do it.
We don't celebrate ourselves, especially as perfectionists, high achievers because it is never good enough. But let me tell you now, when I achieve a small win, I will treat myself with chocolate.
I will treat myself with a little tour to Sephora.
I will treat myself with time, self care.
I will tell my close circle. Okay? Hey, guys. I have something to tell you. I have achieved that.
And they will cheer me on.
They will be, yeah, girl, you go.
This is what you want.
This is what life is supposed to be about, and this is what, you know, success is supposed to be about.
It's supposed to be something enjoyable rather than something stressful.
When you learn this mindset shift, this is something that needs to happen here in your head, and you are the only one in control.
But when you make that shift happen, trust me, life is much more enjoyable.
And last Standout tip, adopt the 80/20 rule.
The 80/20 rule is known in marketing.
But here is how you can apply the principle to your life.
The 80/20 rule is about recognizing that most of the time, 80% of the time, perfection is not necessary.
Nobody cares.
And that it is 20% of the work that you do.
A 20% of the work that you do is good enough that will make you progress most of the time.
Is that clear?
Let me know in the comments.
If you have any questions, any comment about this tip, let me know, and I will be happy to address your specific questions or to provide you further details about it.
And last but not least, practice vulnerability.
Up to not so long ago and because I was working at some point in my career at the highest level of business in politics, for me, it was impossible to show vulnerability.
It was a weakness.
It was a sign that I wasn't good enough.
I didn't have what it takes to handle the pressure.
So I will always portray this strong woman, very serious, not smiling, not talking, except, you know, when it was my work to do so.
This was my poker face.
And so I wanted to showcase that I was so strong and powerful that I will never let any emotion show on my face, in my behavior, whatever.
I would go behind closed doors, cry myself out, and go back to work like nothing had happened, but never showcased vulnerability in public.
Until one day.
If you are in Canada, you probably know BDC, which is one of the biggest bank for entrepreneurs across the country.
And I was a lead.
I was leading a high level session with the senior directors and so on at BDC on women entrepreneurship.
And a few minutes after I started my presentation, I could feel it, you know, coming up, coming up, coming up, coming up.
And just a few minutes after starting my presentation, I couldn't hold it anymore, and I started crying in front of everyone.
And the room was packed, And I couldn't stop crying.
And people, they were, like, looking at me, like, what's going on?
What's happening?
And I even drink water. Like, I grabbed the glass of water from someone in the room.
I was like, I'm sorry.
I need to drink to help me stop crying.
This is when I started to speak up.
And I said, in front of everyone crying, I do apologize.
I am exhausted, and I can no longer handle it.
And it makes me emotional when I think about it because it reminds me how hard it was to break that personality I had built for myself showcasing this strong empowered woman, and that in front of everyone, I started crying.
And, you know, the most interesting thing is people were so kind and compassionate.
Some of the senior executives were like, Doreen, but you have a you have never told us.
Why are we hearing it today for the first time?
And other people in the room started to get emotional because they could feel the pain and the exertion because they were probably going through it as well.
As strong as I was trying to stop crying and to hide it, people were asking me questions.
Tell us more about your journey.
What happened for you to reach that level of exhaustion?
You know?
And they wanted me to tell my story, which completely shifted the purpose of the session.
Yes and no, because exhaustion, burnout is part also of the journey of being an entrepreneur and more so a female entrepreneur.
And so I started to tell my journey, and they loved it so much.
They loved it so much.
That was one of the most successful sessions I have ever had from an emotional intelligence perspective, and just from a human perspective where we just connected with one another.
And people in the room started to share their own exhaustion stories.
And, you know, it just made us more humans and more compassionate.
So vulnerability is a superpower.
Stop thinking otherwise.
Now let's recap the 5 Standout tips, practical strategies that I shared with you on how to embrace imperfection and make that mindset shift to happen.
Number 1, reframe failure as learning.
Number 2, set realistic goals.
Number 3, celebrate small wins.
Have fun with your life and have fun with the process.
Number 4, adapt the 80/20 rule.
And number 5, practice vulnerability. The more you share your challenge, the more you will become relatable, the more you will feel empowered, and you will be inspiring to others.
If there is something that I would like you to remember out of this conversation is that you are perfectly imperfect, like all lovers.
And embracing imperfection doesn't mean lowering your standards.
It's about shifting the focus from success to progress, authenticity and resilience.
And by doing so, you open doors to breakthroughs that perfectionism keeps locked away.
And your imperfect actions today might lead to tomorrow's masterpiece.
Until next time, you take care and you stay safe.
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Until next time.
Bye.
